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Burnout Prevention

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How to recover from burnout.

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I often get asked questions like:

1. Will I ever fully recover from burnout?

2. What does it take to recover from burnout?

3. How long will it take to recover from burnout?

My normal answer is: 

1. Yes.

2. A lot of hard work. Reviewing what’s important to you, setting boundaries, increasing self-compassion and self-care… among many other things.

3. It’s different for everyone.

There is no quick 3 step process to recovering from burnout and it really is different for everyone because everyone is different, everyone’s experience of burnout is different and everyone has different needs.

But here’s something more…

I am currently reading ‘Burnout: A guide to identifying burnout and pathways to recovery’ by Gordon Parker, Gabriela Tavella and Kerrie Eyers. I’m still in the early stages of the book, but I couldn’t go past this quote and I think it answers question number 2.


Parker et al. says,

“…management of burnout not only involves reducing stressors and their impact but also requires addressing any predisposing personality contribution (especially perfectionism). Escape from work or caregiving pressures may relieve some of the burnout symptoms, but failure to identify and modulate any personality contribution will not allow burnout to be so readily managed, while also increasing the risk of relapse.”

 

In a nut shell…. this means that if you don’t have therapy alongside the reduction of stressors, you will likely relapse.

Let’s get really honest for a second… you will relapse*… even if you have therapy and seek professional support. Part of the recovery of burnout is a journey. There are highs and lows as you get to know yourself, discover what got you to burnout in the first place and learn new skills and knowledge to know what to do about it (and hopefully prevent it from happening again).

I’m about 6 years free of burnout now and it never ceases to amaze me at how sneaky burnout can be. It really does sneak up on you and that’s why I’m so passionate about helping people to learn that this journey to wholeheartedness is a lifelong journey. We don’t recover from burnout and say ‘yes, I’ve arrived and now I don’t have to think about any of it ever again!’ It’s just not like that.

Many of the behaviours and beliefs we had before burnout (some that also led us to burnout) are behaviours and beliefs that have kept us safe at various times in our life. This means that they will be very hard to break. For example, I, as a people pleaser (in recovery), learned in my young years that if people around me were happy, then life was smoother… therefore – people pleasing behaviours are still a go-to for me in several areas of my life.

 

So… all that to say, that I love this quote from Burnout, because it reiterates the importance of (what we call in the counselling world) ‘doing your work’. Looking at your life, where you’ve come from, what you’ve experienced, your highs and your lows and all the lessons learned along the way.

This is why I often say that seeing a counsellor during burnout recovery is vital. He/she will not only help you to make practical changes but can also help you to look at what led you to burnout in the first place… not only the situational, environmental and circumstantial reasons but also the personality traits.

Something I learned in my burnout recovery is how much my personality trait of being a people pleaser was setting me up to get burnt out from a very young age. This is not to say it was my fault – or the fault of my environment and family and community upbringing – but it was simply learning that there are some personality traits that some people have that will feed into having a higher chance of getting burnt out in the first place.

I see the trait of people pleasing a lot in people who are experiencing or have experienced burnout. Those who have people pleasing tendencies seem to want to help others no matter the cost. Often, this belief has been learned somewhere in their early years and tells them that if they help others and do whatever is necessary, then they will be liked, maybe even loved more.

 

The other key personality trait is perfectionism. 

“Perfectionistic people have high standards, are self-disciplined and yoke themselves tightly to self-control and commitment to ensure productivity and achievement.” – Parker et al.

You see, perfectionism isn’t just about doing things perfectly and going over something time and time again to ensure it is perfect. It’s about the meaning behind the perfect actions. 

Brené Brown in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection discusses that “wherever perfectionism exists, shame is lurking.” Shame is the belief that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging, and so perfectionism isn’t just about doing things perfectly, it’s the belief that if we do it perfectly then we are worthy of love and belonging… or, then we will get the promotion… or, then they will love us etc.

These kinds of personality traits may lead us to work long hours, not be honest in asking for what we need, not setting the boundaries we need etc. These are common factors that can start to lead someone to burnout. Maybe you can now see how personality traits connect to burnout and also why understanding and working towards overcoming (or managing) these personality traits will help with your burnout recovery.

I hope that’s been helpful.

Let me know if you have any questions. If anything has been triggered for you in this blog, please reach out and book a session to start (or continue) exploring how you can recover from burnout.

Courage is a heart word.

You are enough… whether things go well or not.

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“You are not defined by the outcome of the situation.”

I was just having a forum conversation with some fellow business women and I was reminded of my authenticity mantra.

Brené Brown talks about the importance of developing an authenticity mantra so that when we feel threatened, in shame, out of our depth, judged, worried or overwhelmed about something, we can say our mantra to help us stay in our authenticity instead of bowing to the wants, needs and desires of others.

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My authenticity mantra came out of a situation I was in back in 2011 when I was helping to plan a conference. My job was to book the band for the mid week social event. I decided to book my cousins band who fit the specifications of the night. However, as they were setting up and doing a sound check, I started to get nervous and worried about how loud they were going to be and I was scared about what people would think about the choice I made. As I sat there, listening to their sound check, these worries were very loud in my mind and amongst the thoughts, a still small whisper pierced through and simply said “You are not defined by the outcome of this situation.” – Wow! What did you say? 

“You are not defined by whether people think the band is good, or bad or too loud or not loud enough. You are not defined by the outcome of this situation.”
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And there it was, I began to sit back and relax into the evening. For that moment I was free and didn’t let the negative self-talk get to me.

Now, I know that not everyone will have an experience like this to help them come up with their authenticity mantra, but you can still come up with one anyway.

You can use mine to get you started if you like.

Brené Brown’s authenticity mantra is: 

“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Just stay on your sacred ground.”

Others have said: “I am enough, I am enough” or “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.”

It doesn’t have to be anything super wordy and creative, it’s about what makes sense for you and your truth.

Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that you are not defined by the outcome of the situation. 

Whether it goes well, you are not defined by your success. Whether it goes bad, you are not defined by your failure.

You are enough, right now, exactly as you are.

Be strong. Stand your sacred ground.


Take Care on the Journey!

If this is something you would like to know more about and maybe dig into further by seeing a female counsellor in Adelaide, contact us for a counselling session today and explore more of how Brene Brown’s concepts can work in your life.

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Burnout prevention… It’s possible

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It’s not the first time you’ve heard me say it… burnout. is. preventable.

This is an innate truth and revelation that I received when I went through my own burnout experience. Discovering that what I was going through was actually preventable was the biggest aha moment of my journey. And that’s why I’m passionate about sharing this message with the world.

This feeling of:

  • overwhelm
  • disconnection
  • exhaustion
  • being unmotivated
  • not wanting to see people
  • not caring about life and work

All of this and more. All of this was preventable? If so, then why was I feeling it?

It is not uncommon for burnout to creep up on us – in fact, I would say that would be one of the common experiences of people who get burnt out.

Preventing burnout starts with increasing self-awareness and actually knowing what’s going on around us and inside of us and taking note of how that feels and if we’re OK with it or not.

A recent article written by the Mental Health Academy shows a statement I’ve been talking about for years. The article says:

Personal support as found in counselling helps people to prevent the problem [burnout] or recover from it [burnout].

Mental Healthy Academy

Counselling is a key way to prevent burnout. Counselling helps to prevent burnout in the following ways:

  • gain a deeper understanding of what’s important to you
  • discover your core values and how they shape the choices you make
  • learn skills and knowledge around setting boundaries
  • be heard
  • learn empathy skills
  • learn how to trust yourself and know who to trust in your life
  • learn what to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to
  • explore the ins and outs of situations in your life and discover what the underlying unhelpful patterns are so you can re-learn a different way of living
  • and many more insights

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted or unmotivated… you may be experiencing burnout or you may be on the way to burnout.

Burnout is an epidemic in our society and sometimes that means that we don’t share how we’re going because we hear that everyone is feeling the same so “this must just be how life is now”. I don’t believe that.

I believe that we all have choices and we can choose how we want to live our life. We can live a life of intentionality, of hope, of joy, of peace and wellness. You get to choose whether you’re going to keep doing what you’re doing and maybe head for burnout. Or if you’re going to reach out for support now and prevent it getting any worse. You decide.

Notice how you’re feeling inside and what’s going on around you and I encourage you to have the courage to reach out and ask for help if you feel that something doesn’t feel quite right.

Take care on the journey!

Self Care List

Make Your Own Self-Care List

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You know one thing I always say to people about self-care is that it’s different for everyone. There is no 3-step process to getting better by using self-care. It’s a long, often slow process to firstly figure out some ideas about what you could do that would make you feel happy (or cared for), then doing it and along the way destroying your unhelpful beliefs that you are not valued and therefore not worthy of being cared for – by yourself or by others.

So my encouragement to you this week is to get creative and make your own self-care list! It might even be something you do with friends or your family and get everyone to make their own and share their ideas.

What are the things that you like doing that maybe you don’t do often enough or at all anymore, what are the things that you love doing and do often and what are the things that you used to love as a kid, that you could start doing again now?

Most of us stop playing at the age of about 8 or 9 when our comparison barometer kicks in and as we get older and busier it just gets less and less. Start by making a list so that when you want to spend some time caring for yourself, you don’t have to think about what to do but you can simply go to your list and choose something.

EXTRA TIP – Make sure you have things on your list that are things you can do:

  • at home – i.e reading a book
  • out of the home – i.e. going for a walk in a picturesque place
  • if it’s raining – i.e. have a coffee at your favourite coffee shop
  • if it’s sunny – i.e a walk in nature or hit of golf
  • that costs money – i.e a trip to the movies or a special show or game you’ve been wanting to see
  • for free – i.e. read a book in the sun, take a bath or set a boundary with someone
  • on your own – i.e. take a nap or do some journalling
  • with others – i.e. have a games night with friends or ask for help

Share your Self-Care list with a friend, colleague or family member. And don’t be afraid to steal other people’s ideas – sharing is caring and it’s OK to do that! 😉 It’s a great way to get started when you are just learning. Here’s mine 🙂

Next thing to do is to stick it somewhere in your house that will remind you to choose you and value yourself. It might be on the fridge, next to your desk, in the laundry – wherever you find yourself struggling with the day to day challenges.

Last thing is to make time for it in your diary. Start with one thing a week and work towards one thing a day that will help you to choose you.

You matter and you make the world a better place.

Take Care on the Journey!

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Burnout

“No one is immune to stress and burnout. The expectations are so much connected to comparison. Don’t compare your life to someone else’s highlight reel.”

Anna Doecke

I was recently interviewed by Celia Fielke from Lutheran Media and Messages of Hope about competing demands and the challenges of recognising and dealing with burnout.

What can contribute to burnout?

Comparison is such a massive issue in our society and it can contribute to burnout. As humans our default is to compare our boring everyday lives with the highlight reel of someone else’s life (particularly on social media). In her book, ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’, Brené Brown writes “I can’t tell you how many times I’m feeling so good about myself and my life and my family, and then in a split second it’s gone because I consciously or unconsciously start comparing myself to other people.”

Laura Williams says “comparison is the thief of happiness.”

How do you know you’re at burnout?

It’s different for everyone, but some examples include when all the days roll into one, or you aren’t interested or enjoying your work anymore when you always have, or feeling hazy and over tired.

What do we do about burnout?

Make different choices. We all have choices and we have the power to change the way our life is. It sounds simple, but it’s so true.

Reviewing our values can remind us about what’s most important and who we want to be as well as help to overcome burnout. Having clarity of values and making different choices can change our life significantly. It helps us know how we feel about life and have clarity of where we’re at in our relationships.

As a Christian this concept of burnout can be even more challenging as we grapple with where God stands and what He thinks of us and our service to Him. Sometimes I think we have a warped sense of who God is. Sometimes we can think that He won’t love us unless we serve and serve and serve, until we can’t serve anymore.

The truth is that there is nothing we can do that is going to make God love us any more than He already does. How does that change your life and view of God?

Have a listen to the full interview about burnout by clicking here.

Take care on the Journey as you discover where you’re at in life. If you think you might be experiencing burnout click here to schedule a counselling appointment and discover what beliefs and behaviours you can change to alleviate the pressure and give your best to yourself and those around you.

Authenticity Definition

How to have hard conversations

I have this picture and definition from Brené Brown of authenticity stuck on the wall in my toilet. It’s a good reminder for me several times a day to choose authenticity in my life and relationships and choose it often.

I have read this definition almost hundreds of times and yet this morning, it really stood out to me. That’s because today I am going to have some hard conversations.

Do you need to have some hard conversations? How do you stay true to who you are and not allow yourself to get caught up in what you think the other person wants.

For me… I try to stay true to who I am by choosing authenticity. I try and notice when I am defaulting to doing what I think the other people want me to do. I intentionally listen to my own heart and values and choose to be honest about who I am and what I need to be the best me that I can be. (Full disclosure… I definitely don’t do this perfectly…)

The part from this definition that specifically stood out to me today was that authenticity is a daily practice. So I can trust myself that every day previous to today where I have chosen to live authentically has been preparation for today. Today I can also be authentic. It’s not my first time and I know that authenticity is a good choice to make. 

The other part was cultivating courage by being emotionally honest. This is often hard and I have a lot of negative self talk around being emotional and sometimes around being too honest.

Do you have some or one hard conversation to have? Will you choose authenticity and back yourself in the process?

Go. Be Bold. Choose Courage. Choose Authenticity. Trust yourself, because you’re worth it.

Take Care on the Journey!

Journeez, Adelaide, are specialists in Self Care and learning to look after yourself in this fast-paced society. Please contact us today for further information about Self Care, Personal Development and Brené Brown workshops and seminars for businesses, churches or community groups or to book a counselling appointment. You are also welcome to join the Journeez community by subscribing to this blog or follow us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Choosing Courage, Vulnerability and Living Life to the Fullest.

Self Care Tip – Manage Your Emails

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2-kinds-emailsDo you have over 100 unread emails in your inbox? Do you feel overwhelmed when you see that number on your phone or when you log into your email? Do you feel violated when a company asks for your email address? Are you skeptical that an organisation only wants your email address to send you junk?

This week I have been reminded of the power emails have on our lives. Email is now a primary way of communicating. There is less and less snail mail. Our bills come to our email, some friends and family want to communicate via email, company after company asks for our email address….

I was recently reading a blog from WideOpenCoaching.com where the blogger was asked “how do you deal with email overload?” As I continued to read and then read further articles I was reminded of the stress that we allow email to have on us.

I believe that everything is a choice. Therefore so are emails and how we deal with them (or not deal with them).

So my self care tip for this week is to review how you deal with emails. To start with, delete those emails you haven’t looked at for the past 4 weeks (as you probably will never read them!) Michael Hyatt has some good suggestions of how to do this. See his article here.

Secondly, unsubscribe from those organisations emails that you are not, or no longer interested in. It’s not hard to unsubscribe, simply scroll to the bottom of the email and click the unsubscribe button.

Go ahead… take the step today. Delete emails regularly (daily!) and Unsubscribe from unwanted emails.

You can do it. I believe in you.

Take the Journey!

Journeez, is located in North Eastern Suburbs of Adelaide and are specialists in Self Care and learning to look after yourself in this fast-paced society. Please contact me today for further information about Self Care workshops and seminars for businesses, churches or community groups or to book a counselling or mentoring appointment. You are also welcome to join the Journeez community by subscribing to this blog or follow us on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Enhancing Personal and Professional Well-Being.