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Vulnerability

Courage is a heart word.

You are enough… whether things go well or not.

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“You are not defined by the outcome of the situation.”

I was just having a forum conversation with some fellow business women and I was reminded of my authenticity mantra.

Brené Brown talks about the importance of developing an authenticity mantra so that when we feel threatened, in shame, out of our depth, judged, worried or overwhelmed about something, we can say our mantra to help us stay in our authenticity instead of bowing to the wants, needs and desires of others.

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My authenticity mantra came out of a situation I was in back in 2011 when I was helping to plan a conference. My job was to book the band for the mid week social event. I decided to book my cousins band who fit the specifications of the night. However, as they were setting up and doing a sound check, I started to get nervous and worried about how loud they were going to be and I was scared about what people would think about the choice I made. As I sat there, listening to their sound check, these worries were very loud in my mind and amongst the thoughts, a still small whisper pierced through and simply said “You are not defined by the outcome of this situation.” – Wow! What did you say? 

“You are not defined by whether people think the band is good, or bad or too loud or not loud enough. You are not defined by the outcome of this situation.”
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And there it was, I began to sit back and relax into the evening. For that moment I was free and didn’t let the negative self-talk get to me.

Now, I know that not everyone will have an experience like this to help them come up with their authenticity mantra, but you can still come up with one anyway.

You can use mine to get you started if you like.

Brené Brown’s authenticity mantra is: 

“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Just stay on your sacred ground.”

Others have said: “I am enough, I am enough” or “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.”

It doesn’t have to be anything super wordy and creative, it’s about what makes sense for you and your truth.

Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that you are not defined by the outcome of the situation. 

Whether it goes well, you are not defined by your success. Whether it goes bad, you are not defined by your failure.

You are enough, right now, exactly as you are.

Be strong. Stand your sacred ground.


Take Care on the Journey!

If this is something you would like to know more about and maybe dig into further by seeing a female counsellor in Adelaide, contact us for a counselling session today and explore more of how Brene Brown’s concepts can work in your life.

Self Care List

Make Your Own Self-Care List

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You know one thing I always say to people about self-care is that it’s different for everyone. There is no 3-step process to getting better by using self-care. It’s a long, often slow process to firstly figure out some ideas about what you could do that would make you feel happy (or cared for), then doing it and along the way destroying your unhelpful beliefs that you are not valued and therefore not worthy of being cared for – by yourself or by others.

So my encouragement to you this week is to get creative and make your own self-care list! It might even be something you do with friends or your family and get everyone to make their own and share their ideas.

What are the things that you like doing that maybe you don’t do often enough or at all anymore, what are the things that you love doing and do often and what are the things that you used to love as a kid, that you could start doing again now?

Most of us stop playing at the age of about 8 or 9 when our comparison barometer kicks in and as we get older and busier it just gets less and less. Start by making a list so that when you want to spend some time caring for yourself, you don’t have to think about what to do but you can simply go to your list and choose something.

EXTRA TIP – Make sure you have things on your list that are things you can do:

  • at home – i.e reading a book
  • out of the home – i.e. going for a walk in a picturesque place
  • if it’s raining – i.e. have a coffee at your favourite coffee shop
  • if it’s sunny – i.e a walk in nature or hit of golf
  • that costs money – i.e a trip to the movies or a special show or game you’ve been wanting to see
  • for free – i.e. read a book in the sun, take a bath or set a boundary with someone
  • on your own – i.e. take a nap or do some journalling
  • with others – i.e. have a games night with friends or ask for help

Share your Self-Care list with a friend, colleague or family member. And don’t be afraid to steal other people’s ideas – sharing is caring and it’s OK to do that! 😉 It’s a great way to get started when you are just learning. Here’s mine 🙂

Next thing to do is to stick it somewhere in your house that will remind you to choose you and value yourself. It might be on the fridge, next to your desk, in the laundry – wherever you find yourself struggling with the day to day challenges.

Last thing is to make time for it in your diary. Start with one thing a week and work towards one thing a day that will help you to choose you.

You matter and you make the world a better place.

Take Care on the Journey!

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Brené Brown says “own your story”

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There is a myth that self-care is only about weekends away, long hot baths, facials and massages. Sure, they are part of it. Self Care is also about doing the hard work. Brené Brown says

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”


For example, sitting and self-reflecting on your day, week or month or maybe the interactions you’ve had with those around you. It’s about asking yourself some hard questions and noticing what’s happening for you. You might ask yourself “does something feel good and make sense?” “Does something feel ‘off’ about my week?” “What do I want to do more of?” “What do I never want to do again?” “What was hard and good at the same time?” “What is my gut, my intuition saying about this week?”

In her book Rising Strong, Brené Brown talks about the steps to rising strong and the first one is what she calls The Reckoning. This is about noticing what’s happening for you and learning about how you feel and integrating your emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

Emotion: Ask yourself “What do I feel in my body” – do you have clammy hands, racing heart, sore neck, headache etc?

Thoughts: Then notice what you’re thinking in a given moment. Ask yourself “what thoughts are looping in my mind?” ‘What am I thinking?”

Behaviour: Finally ask yourself “what did I do?” “Did I run away?” “Did I yell at someone?” “Did I breathe and listen carefully?” “Did I care for myself and go for a walk?”

These questions can help with self-reflection and becoming more aware of what’s happening for you. They also help you to integrate your whole being in any given moment, interaction or situation that happens in your day.

I always say “awareness is the beginning of change.” Self-reflection is a step towards that awareness and that may be the beginning of change for you and your life. If something doesn’t feel right, change it. Sit in the discomfort of exploring how it could be different. Ask for help. Talk to a friend, family member, colleague or counsellor.

When we sit and self-reflect, we are choosing to be courageous and vulnerable to own our story and accept that something isn’t OK; or to express joy and happiness that something is amazing! Both sides of that emotional spectrum can feel vulnerable, it’s also really courageous to acknowledge it.

Value yourself by choosing to self-reflect this week. You may be surprised by the gems you learn about yourself.

Take Care on the Journey!

Which comes first? Trust or Vulnerability

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dw_lightquoteimages6What is Trust? The online Oxford Dictionary defines it as: “Firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.” In Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong, she talks about the definition that Charles Feltman in his book The Thin Book of Trust gives to trust and I think it has a deeper meaning.

He defines trust as “choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.”

Wow, now that’s deep. It resonates with me because when I share something with someone, I’m not sure what their reaction is going to be. If I’m wondering what their reaction will be then I’m taking a risk of what the other person may do, say or think…. And that’s vulnerable.

Which leads me to ask, what is vulnerability? Brené Brown is a vulnerability researcher and based on the thousands of conversations that she’s had with people, she has come up with the following definition of vulnerability:

“Uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”.

To me, that’s very similar to Charles Feltman’s definition of trust.

In Brené Brown’s research, she discovered that in order to grow in trust with someone, you have to be vulnerable. And in order to be vulnerable with someone, you need to trust them. Therefore, you can’t have trust without vulnerability.

Trust and vulnerability go hand in hand. Our society has such a small view of trust and vulnerability. That’s why Brené Brown’s work has been life changing for me. Through her research and the conversations she’s had with people, she has been able to compile data which is much more real and data that we can connect with on a much more personal level.

This can leave questions such as:

How do I trust someone enough to be vulnerable with them?
What if I am vulnerable and the response is not what I hoped for?
How do I understand trust more fully?
I don’t do vulnerability, surely I can still trust someone?

At Journeez, we provide space for people to reflect, question and rumble with these topics. You are welcome on the journey and we invite you to contact us for more information about groups and one-on-one sessions in this area.

Take the Journey!

Journeez, Adelaide, are specialists in Self Care and learning to look after yourself in this fast-paced society. Please contact us today for further information about Self Care, Personal Development and Brené Brown workshops and seminars for businesses, churches or community groups or to book a counselling or coaching appointment. You are also welcome to join the Journeez community by subscribing to this blog or follow us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Choosing Courage, Vulnerability and Living Life to the Fullest.