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Anna Doecke

About Anna Doecke

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What to do in the waiting

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Time and the concept of waiting are powerful experiences in our life.

Time is a funny thing…

It seems to go fast when we’re busy.

It seems to go fast when we’re having fun.

It seems to go slow when we’re uninspired or unmotivated.

It seems to go slow when we’re waiting.

Often we don’t know what to do when time is going slow. Sometimes we reach for something to distract us from the discomfort of waiting, grasping at the hope that the time will go faster, all the while knowing the length of a minute is still 60 seconds.

In this waiting, we can use our energy to be frustrated or to complain about the time going slow… or we can conserve energy by leaning into the discomfort.

Trust me, I don’t particularly like leaning into the discomfort either. I remember so clearly as a kid, trying to think about what I could do so that tomorrow would come sooner when I was excited about playing netball, seeing friends or celebrating Christmas or my birthday. I still catch myself today, trying to trick myself into thinking I can make the time go faster! Sometimes I even pray for God to make the time go faster… (I’m sure I’m not the only one who does that!) 🙂

So what can we do in the waiting?

Here are my 4 suggestions:

  1. Do something. Do what you can. – It’s not helpful to anyone if you sit around and do literally nothing (unless that’s your goal as a form of self-care). Often when we literally do nothing it makes us feel less motivated and focused.
  2. Practice Gratitude. – Be grateful for what you do have. If the waiting is waiting for something you want, then spend your time looking for things you already have and are blown away by. This helps to increase our perspective on life and on the importance of the thing we’re waiting for. It may not change our desire for it. It can help us to see the joy, love, grace and hope on the journey instead of missing the lessons we can only learn along the way.
  3. Spend time with those you love and who build you up. – In the waiting, connection, love and support will be vital. Don’t waste your time with people who pull you down and make you feel worthless. Spend time with people who want what you want as much as you want it. Most of us are waiting for something – sometimes we just don’t share it.
  4. Practice self-care and self-compassion. – Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself well. Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love. It’s easy in the waiting to try and find reasons for why you’re still waiting… that’s not always helpful (at least it’s not helpful to dwell on it).

Waiting can be one of the hardest journey’s you take in life. It’s also one of the best journey’s to learn the most about yourself, those around you, your worldview and how you want to contribute to the world.

Friend, if you’re on the waiting journey, know that you are not alone. Keep on keeping on and try engaging with one of the suggestions above to help keep you motivated and focused.

Take care on your journey of waiting.

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Create a family ritual

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Creating a family ritual is so great to help children make memories and consider when they’re older what was important to the family and what wasn’t.

One family ritual I remember from my childhood was Christmas Eve. We used to clean the house during the day and prepare any food needed for the next few days of feasting and celebration with extended family. Then we’d all go to Church and most of us would be part of the Christmas play and by the time we got home after Church, Santa Claus had visited our house already and so we’d open our presents on Christmas Eve.
This was one of the few nights a year that we were allowed to stay up late. When we got home from church we would all get changed into our PJ’s and then eat junk food and open presents! I have very fond memories of this family ritual that my parents created for us.

The other day I went to my brother and sister-in-laws for dinner and when I arrived I saw them and their two girls playing UNO! I was surprised as I hadn’t seen this happen before. They informed me that this was now the thing they did on a Friday evening. Play cards and eat spaghetti with meatballs!

The ‘ritual’ can be as simple or extravagant as you like. My encouragement would be to keep it simple and make it a time of connection with each other. These are the things that people remember most.

Create a family ritual this week and keep it going! Enjoy the connection and in years to come you’ll be able to enjoy the memories!

If you are single, consider creating your own regular ritual. Something that helps you to connect with yourself and what’s most important for you. For example, one of my rituals is to sit in my sacred space and chair in my home, drinking a cup of tea and looking out the window. This is part of routine, it’s also part of honouring myself and my time. I especially do this during the week. On weekends I’m a little flexible with it!

Spend some time today or tonight talking with your family or thinking about it yourself and come up with an idea of a family ritual that you could do together every week.
You may find that you need to try a few different ones to find what works and remember that it doesn’t have to be something you do forever, it may also be something that sticks and that you do for a lifetime. Either way, find something that you can do regularly to connect with your family or those around you.

Enjoy the journey!

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How to Stay Authentic

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In a client session recently we got talking about BrenĂ© Brown’s idea of an authenticity mantra. An authenticity mantra is something we say to ourselves when we notice we are triggered by shame, or we feel we are being pulled in all different directions to be someone we’re not.

Our authenticity mantra helps us to stay in our authenticity to stay true to who we are.

Be vulnerable. Get uncomfortable. Be present with people without sacrificing who you are.

Brené Brown

Brené’s wisdom here is similar. Be vulnerable with someone you trust, get uncomfortable, but stay true to who you are. Don’t get uncomfortable and present with someone who makes you feel like you can’t be your true self. As you’re sharing there may be times when you feel you have to start being someone else so the person still likes you or still wants to listen to your story – it’s in those moments that we may need to say our authenticity mantra, to help us stay true to who we are.

Ask yourself – “what could my authenticity mantra be?”

To give you an example, my mantra is “the outcome of this situation does not define who I am”, or in this scenario it might be “what that person is thinking doesn’t define who I am”.

Brené’s authenticity mantra is “Don’t shrink, don’t puff up, stand your sacred ground”.

Other examples include “stop, breathe, it will be OK” or “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this”.

What do you do or say to yourself to help you stay in your authenticity? Or what could you do or say to help you stay authentic? Write down some options today and take action.

Take Care on the Journey!

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Reflections on Easter – 2019

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Good Friday. To many that means nothing, to many it means something. To me, these are the words that come to mind when I reflect on Good Friday.
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Jesus – who was both man and God.
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Sacrifice – the harsh reality of giving up something to benefit someone else. In this case, Jesus gave up his life. He chose to die. For the world.
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Death – this was the reality. Crucified. Excruciating and the worst kind of way to die in Jesus’ day.
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Sin – the things that we do, think, feel and say that separate us from Father God.
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Grief – oh the grief of those who loved Jesus and watched him die. Oh the grief that Jesus felt for the life these people lived. He said “Forgive them Lord for they do not know what they are doing”. That’s us as well. We do not know what we are doing sometimes.
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Vulnerability – Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability is “Uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”. In these moments, as a human, Jesus was showing immense vulnerability and so were his loved ones. 
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Courage – to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Jesus was sharing his whole heart with the world by sacrificing his life. This sacrifice and courage would only become truly known in a few days time.
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Peace – so much uncertainty and yet Jesus also had peace because this was His plan as God, all along.
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Love – this sacrifice, this death, this sin of the world, this grief, this vulnerability, this courage and this peace – all this, this is LOVE.

Easter Sunday. To many it means nothing. To many it means something. To me when I think of Easter Sunday these are the words that come to mind.
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Jesus – both man and God. He defeated death and is alive!
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Alive – yes alive! A few days ago he was dead but now someone has witnessed the tomb empty! He has risen from the dead!
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Shock – Yes this would be a huge shock. As Mary went to the tomb to grieve for her friend, she discovers his body is not there. So much shock! So many questions! Where is He? Where did they take Him? 
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Hope – maybe there’s a bigger explanation? For us, it’s the hope that we have. With Jesus being alive, means we can have a real two-way relationship with Him. He is no longer dead which means he is alive, which means he talks to us, cares about us and shows us his love.
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Yay! – Celebration time! No need to be sad about his death anymore, instead we can celebrate that He is alive and talks to us, loves us and wants us to know how amazing He thinks we are and how proud He is of us. Celebrate!
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Truth – This IS the truth. He is alive. We do not worship a dead God!
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New – with life comes new beginnings. Everyday is new. Everyday you see the sun rise we have a new go at life. Whatever was happening the day before; a new day, a new life and new perspective can change everything. Will you let the new day change you?
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Love – yes that word love appears here too! Without love Jesus would not be alive!

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BrenĂ© Brown says “own your story”

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There is a myth that self-care is only about weekends away, long hot baths, facials and massages. Sure, they are part of it. Self Care is also about doing the hard work. Brené Brown says

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”


For example, sitting and self-reflecting on your day, week or month or maybe the interactions you’ve had with those around you. It’s about asking yourself some hard questions and noticing what’s happening for you. You might ask yourself “does something feel good and make sense?” “Does something feel ‘off’ about my week?” “What do I want to do more of?” “What do I never want to do again?” “What was hard and good at the same time?” “What is my gut, my intuition saying about this week?”

In her book Rising Strong, BrenĂ© Brown talks about the steps to rising strong and the first one is what she calls The Reckoning. This is about noticing what’s happening for you and learning about how you feel and integrating your emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

Emotion: Ask yourself “What do I feel in my body” – do you have clammy hands, racing heart, sore neck, headache etc?

Thoughts: Then notice what you’re thinking in a given moment. Ask yourself “what thoughts are looping in my mind?” ‘What am I thinking?”

Behaviour: Finally ask yourself “what did I do?” “Did I run away?” “Did I yell at someone?” “Did I breathe and listen carefully?” “Did I care for myself and go for a walk?”

These questions can help with self-reflection and becoming more aware of what’s happening for you. They also help you to integrate your whole being in any given moment, interaction or situation that happens in your day.

I always say “awareness is the beginning of change.” Self-reflection is a step towards that awareness and that may be the beginning of change for you and your life. If something doesn’t feel right, change it. Sit in the discomfort of exploring how it could be different. Ask for help. Talk to a friend, family member, colleague or counsellor.

When we sit and self-reflect, we are choosing to be courageous and vulnerable to own our story and accept that something isn’t OK; or to express joy and happiness that something is amazing! Both sides of that emotional spectrum can feel vulnerable, it’s also really courageous to acknowledge it.

Value yourself by choosing to self-reflect this week. You may be surprised by the gems you learn about yourself.

Take Care on the Journey!

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Burnout

“No one is immune to stress and burnout. The expectations are so much connected to comparison. Don’t compare your life to someone else’s highlight reel.”

Anna Doecke

I was recently interviewed by Celia Fielke from Lutheran Media and Messages of Hope about competing demands and the challenges of recognising and dealing with burnout.

What can contribute to burnout?

Comparison is such a massive issue in our society and it can contribute to burnout. As humans our default is to compare our boring everyday lives with the highlight reel of someone else’s life (particularly on social media). In her book, ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’, BrenĂ© Brown writes “I can’t tell you how many times I’m feeling so good about myself and my life and my family, and then in a split second it’s gone because I consciously or unconsciously start comparing myself to other people.”

Laura Williams says “comparison is the thief of happiness.”

How do you know you’re at burnout?

It’s different for everyone, but some examples include when all the days roll into one, or you aren’t interested or enjoying your work anymore when you always have, or feeling hazy and over tired.

What do we do about burnout?

Make different choices. We all have choices and we have the power to change the way our life is. It sounds simple, but it’s so true.

Reviewing our values can remind us about what’s most important and who we want to be as well as help to overcome burnout. Having clarity of values and making different choices can change our life significantly. It helps us know how we feel about life and have clarity of where we’re at in our relationships.

As a Christian this concept of burnout can be even more challenging as we grapple with where God stands and what He thinks of us and our service to Him. Sometimes I think we have a warped sense of who God is. Sometimes we can think that He won’t love us unless we serve and serve and serve, until we can’t serve anymore.

The truth is that there is nothing we can do that is going to make God love us any more than He already does. How does that change your life and view of God?

Have a listen to the full interview about burnout by clicking here.

Take care on the Journey as you discover where you’re at in life. If you think you might be experiencing burnout click here to schedule a counselling appointment and discover what beliefs and behaviours you can change to alleviate the pressure and give your best to yourself and those around you.

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Time flies when you’re….

Can you believe it’s September already? I know! Maybe you feel like this year has gone by so quickly and the thought that Christmas is only 16 1/2 weeks away scares you.

The thing is we all get the same amount of time in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year. Absolutely, we know that we don’t know how many of those days, weeks, months or years that we will have on Earth. We do know that each day has the same amount of time.

So you know how everyone says, ‘time flies when you’re having fun’? Heck, I’ve even said it and there is part of me that believes the statement. But as we come to the beginning of September, there is a big vibe of “oh my gosh, I can’t believe it’s September where did the year go? The year has gone so fast”. I heard on the radio the other day and the announcer said “as they say, time flies when you’re having fun”.

But I actually think time flies when you’re busy and you have a full schedule. Sure, sometimes that full schedule is fun but most times it’s the daily grind and the reason why the time feels like it’s flying is because our brain, heart and soul is constantly occupied and on full alert. It doesn’t have space to stop, breathe, reflect and be present.

Don’t want the year to go so fast? Cut down on your busyness and make space in your schedule. When you have space in your schedule you will be forced to slow down. To be present with your family and friends and to notice how you’re really feeling and what’s going on around you.

There’s my food for thought as we enter into the first days of September.

Don’t want time to feel like it’s going so fast? Look at your diary and clear your schedule. Whether it be regularly for 6-12 months or just for a week or two. Either way, you will thank yourself for it and you’ll be able to look back at what happened in that time and remember it.

Take Care on the Journey

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What would you do if someone changed your life?

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“Self-Care just means putting yourself on the list. It means valuing yourself enough to know you need to spend time resting, setting boundaries, and engaging in activities that make you happy (or cared for), without feeling guilty.” – Lucille Zimmerman

If I wrote a list of self-care myths, one would be that it’s best used in a crisis situation. I am a firm believer that self-care is best used as prevention. When it’s used as a daily practice it becomes a strategy to preventing mental illness and burn out.

I love Lucille Zimmerman’s definition of self-care because it encompasses so much more than simply exercising, eating well and getting good sleep. These elements are important, they’re also only one aspect of our being. Implementing self-care as a holistic approach is so much more effective.

In the video below, Anna talks about how people make an impact on our life and she encourages us to show vulnerability and courage by telling that person the impact they’ve made. Often we wait until we’re celebrating the life they had and we tell others the impact they made and we never get to tell the person themselves. So today, one of the self-care tips is to talk to someone, write a letter or send a message to someone who has made an impact on you. 

The second self-care tip is to ask yourself ‘what daily self-care practices can I implement so that it’s used as a prevention instead of only in crisis mode?’

Listen to what Anna has to say below.

Take Care on the Journey!

 

Journeez, Adelaide, are specialists in Self Care and learning to look after yourself in this fast-paced society. Please contact us today for further information about Self Care, Personal Development and BrenĂ© Brown workshops and seminars for businesses, churches or community groups or to book a counselling appointment. You are also welcome to join the Journeez community by subscribing to this blog or follow us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and LinkedIn. Choosing Courage, Vulnerability and Living Life to the Fullest.

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Self Care is Prevention

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Most of us have a to-do list that is longer than our arm!

  • I need to get the shopping done
  • someone has left a message for me to call them back
  • my kids want me to play as soon as I’ve walked in the door
  • I can’t get out of work on time because I need to complete the entire task list before I leave
  • my boss doesn’t understand the stress I have outside of work
  • I’ve got loads of texts and messages to reply to
  • the house hasn’t been cleaned in weeks
  • my to-do-list is only growing and not getting smaller


And the list could go on. What examples do you have of how life may be getting on top of you?

In my early-mid 20’s this was my life. I was always on the go, I was saying ‘yes’ to everyone and everything without thinking first about previous commitments. I was out most nights of the week and I was (attempting) to balance my work, social commitments, personal and family situations. I didn’t know how to balance it all so I felt alone and unsupported.

Self-Care is the art of valuing who you are and is the key way to preventing mental and physical illness. For me, the journey of learning to put myself ‘on the list’ and working out how to look after myself has changed my life. I experienced burnout in my early 20’s which forced me to learn what self-care is and value my life and who I am. I began to discover what living life to the fullest could look like. I believe Jesus told me that He came to give me life in abundance. As I began to look after me, I began to experience life to the fullest and life in abundance.

In my work as a counsellor, I hear a lot of people say something similar to the following phrase “my husband/friend/boss should just know what I need’. How great would it be if he/she always knew what we needed? I used to think this as well and then I learned how unrealistic that expectation is to place on people. I learned how important communication is and that sharing with those in your life what’s going on will help them to know how to best support you. To assume others will know how to help you and know how you’re feeling without telling them doesn’t make sense. What we need to learn to do is to ask people for help. There is no shame in doing that and we can learn the art of vulnerability and courage to ask for what we need.

I am passionate about helping people learn how to look after themselves, instead of only looking after others in their life. As the saying goes ‘prevention is better than cure.’ Learning ways to implement and live a life of self-care will prevent mental and physical illness.

Prevent burnout by learning to say ‘no’.
Prevent drug and alcohol abuse by knowing in your heart that you are valued and don’t need to look for an escape.
Prevent relationship breakdown by learning how to communicate.
Prevent physical illness by valuing a balanced diet and regular exercise.
Prevent loneliness by believing you are loved and learning how to ask for help.

Prevention is better than cure. Implementing self-care preventative tools can be life changing. Self-care is about getting to know yourself more deeply and valuing who you are so you can share that person with the world. When we feel like we are stuck in a cycle of overwhelm our relationships are impacted, our productivity reduces and our energy levels go downhill quickly. This is why getting to know yourself and what you need (emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually) and valuing who you are is beneficial to living your best life and preventing burnout, mental illness and physical illness.

Isn’t prevention always better than cure? Many of us believe it and yet as a population we struggle to live it on a daily basis.

Join the self-care revolution. Learn to value yourself. Learn to connect. Learn to be courageous. Learn to be compassionate. Learn about you.

Take Care on the Journey.

Journeez, Adelaide, are specialists in Self Care and learning to look after yourself in this fast-paced society. Please contact us today for further information about Self Care, Personal Development and Brené Brown workshops and seminars for businesses, churches or community groups or to book a counselling appointment. You are also welcome to join the Journeez community by subscribing to this blog or follow us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Choosing Courage, Vulnerability and Living Life to the Fullest.

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Why it’s good to have lunch outside

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So for those of you who follow me on facebook and instagram, you know how I bang on about getting out of the office for lunch and the importance of spending time in nature. Well the other day just recently, I discovered another reason why this is important. I’m going to tell you about it now…

Having lunch outside, helps me to learn more about me.

The other day, I was siting in the park and I saw two tourists who looked the part. Comfortable shoes, back pack and the handy camera hanging around the neck.
The thing I noticed is that they stopped to take pictures. Picture of the park I was sitting in. At first I thought ‘seriously, it’s just a tree, surely there are trees where you come from’. Then I thought, ‘I’m sure they do, but they don’t have THAT tree, with THAT background, in THAT shape, in THEIR town.’
Then I thought, ‘how good it is to take notice of the normal things’. You know the saying that you only really notice the impact of something or someone when it’s no longer there or you no longer have it?

Life is short. That person or thing could be taken away from you at any time. Be mindful. Stop. Notice what is around you. Be present. Take a picture of that tree, or that sunset, or that interesting looking bug. Or don’t take a picture, instead stop and simply notice it and be in the moment with it for that time.

So get outside and eat your lunch. Or go for a walk in nature and don’t take it for granted because it may not be there tomorrow.

So the lesson I learned about myself the other day by sitting in the park is to stop and notice things. Stop and notice those who are around me.

What did you notice today?

Take Care on the Journey!

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